Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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