I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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