wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
