Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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