You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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