Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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