I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
