if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize