We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
