drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
