New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
