OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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