Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
