I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
