So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
