Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
