my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
