He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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