i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
