are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
