No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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