he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
