Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
