Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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