i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
