how can u be prego again
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize