Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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