The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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