drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
