remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
