i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
