dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
