you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
