Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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