Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
