In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
