she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
