Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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