'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
