I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
