I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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