I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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