make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm getting married
To pizza
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
