a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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