I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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