I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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