Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
