He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
