toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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