those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
