id be glad to
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
