I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
