Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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