The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
