I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
