My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize