So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize