Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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