dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
