Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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