I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
