period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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