pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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