Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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