I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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