tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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