How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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