There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
