Your face is a jimmy john
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
