please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
