is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
