You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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