erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize