I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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