I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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