Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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