If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
