i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
