I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
