did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize