11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
