I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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