Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
