tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize