I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
