Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
