Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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