I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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