Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Actions speak louder than pants.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
