My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
